I searched Shia LeBeouf in soundcloud and found...
I have to go to Costco alone and use someone else’s Costco card because I don’t have a fucking Costco card which sounds fine to me, but if you tell that to someone who does have a Costco membership, they look at you like you’re a pathetic excuse for an adult, and then I start getting upset because I’m just a late bloomer, but late blooming doesn’t stop anyone from...
She just abortioned it off.– A fleck of the sparkling conversation that was happening between some hillbilly dude and his hillbilly friend maybe sister maybe lover maybe all three that, fortunately, landed in my ear as they passed me earlier today. Abortioned it off. Clean off.
A Story About A Story I Frequently Tell
dezpena: I always talk about how much I adore Stevie Nicks. Out of nowhere and to anyone who will listen. Somewhere in that spiel I’ll mention that I went through a phase where I wore braids in my hair every single day… for her. Just to pay her homage because again, I adore her. The thing is Stevie was never actually known for braids. And no one ever calls me out on it. …There’s a moral...
Me, after accidentally bumping into a five year old: Oh! I'm sorry, sweetie!
Five year old: It's ok, ok, ok, ok, ok, ok.
Five year old: You can run and tell your friends that I'm on. I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on.
Things to not forget to blog about:
- Beezo making out with OJ Simpson’s friend so he’d unlock the front gate to Nicole Brown Simpson’s condo and allow both my aunt and Beezo to wander around the property. Also, find the pictures.
I choked on a Mentos mint when I was seven. I felt myself dying. My last moments on Earth were going to be spent jogging in place and flailing my arms around in a panic while standing in the middle of my grandma’s living room. Then, miraculously, the Mento shifted and went flying out of my mouth. I didn’t attempt to eat Mentos again until I was nineteen. I had been drinking and, again,...
I look at the people brushing by me to see if by chance one of them might agree...– Henry Miller, Tropic of Capricorn (via mcskinney)
I haven’t been outside in like, three days because it’s warm and Summery and I don’t believe in it. All of the sweating and sunshine and unsavory legs in shorts… It’s all bullshit. I just want to wear my peacoat.
alcoholicadult: The Smiths - You Just Haven’t...
I almost started crying because my Netflix wasn’t working. I shushed my Wii while rubbing its side, hoping my body would act as a sort of human defibrillator and spark the Internet back up inside of it. New level of pathetic.
beenlonggone: Neko Case - This Tornado Loves...
You’re one of them lesbians, aren’t you?– The old lady at Michaels (who tried to steal my tropical scented candle) when I answered her “You’re so cute. Where’s your boyfriend? Don’t you have a boyfriend?” question with “Men. Who needs ‘em.”