21 was sobbing while driving and still getting myself home alive, breaking a lot of cardinal rules and making myself sick over knowing better, being leveled by life and realizing that I’m not a great person, learning that most people are only curious, waking up and not being in love anymore, and lots and lots and lots of really, really sad writing that is probably genius, but I’ll...
How I give compliments.
My aunt: So the outfit looks good?
Me: You look so nice. Someone is going to call you a bitch out of jealousy.
Slapped on a few Salonpas patches and drank a shit ton of Nyquil and I am in such a good place right now.
Amanda found a can of Japanese helium and we’re thirteen forever.
Me, bumping into a girl I'm on acquaintance level with and haven't seen in a while:
Oh, hey! It's been a while!
Girl: Yeah, I was pregnant for six weeks but I had to get an abortion because it was stuck in a tube. I've been so tired since the abortion. I told the guy who got me pregnant that I was pregnant and then he blew me off because he didn't want any part of my pregnancy. Then I got the abortion. Then I called him back and told him that I got an abortion because it was stuck in a tube and he's all, "So you want to hang out?" and I was all, um, no. Anyway, I just didn't want to put my business on blast so I've been laying low for a while. I'm running late so I'll see you later.
Me: ...ok, bye.
dbizzle: 99.9% of people at restaurants are secretly hoping someone they’re eating with says yes when the server asks if you’d like to see the dessert menu so they don’t have to be the dessert initiator. I made that up but I’m pretty sure it’s true.
Life cannot be working every day and being miserable all of the time and sometimes getting drunk. Like, I refuse to accept that. Next time you hear from me will be never because I’m done believing in the Internet and I’ll be living off of the land in the forest or something. Just kidding. That’s gross. Where’s the vodka?
lolthisbitch: “When red-headed people are above a certain social grade, their hair is auburn.” - Mark Twain
Whitney Houston being dead is sad, and I’ve mourned appropriately…and as much as I could, but all her death really did for me was make me think about the day Winona Ryder or John Cusack bite the dust. What would I even do with myself? More importantly, what would the people who love me do with me? There would be no handling me. What if they heard the news before I did? They’d...
I’m going to be sending out St. Patrick’s Day/my birthday cards because everyone I promised a Christmas card didn’t get one on account of me being a lazy fuck, and I laugh myself sick every time I think about the way a “Happy St. Patrick’s Day and also, you’re welcome I’m alive” card would look. I’ve reached Kanye level of dick tonight. ...
Go bald or go with a toupee, Bon Iver. Fuck.– My aunt
Oh god…I had a black hair in my mouth…that’s not a good sign.– (via lolthisbitch) Japan shut down Amanda’s internet for three days because she exceeded her allotted Internet usage or something. I don’t know, but I’m glad she’s back because she’s obviously on her way to becoming a really esteemed blogger, and she needs to be heard,...
Having to pee really interrupts my life. It’s like, HANG ON WHILE I GO DO THIS THING MY BODY IS FORCING ME TO DO AND I’LL BE RIGHT BACK. JUST LIKE, 2 MINUTES, ALL RIGHT? Precious fucking time, man. Down the toilet. Literally. Ugh. I have to pee.
- This past weekend in my drunken stupor, I showed off my stuffed animals to my equally as drunk neighbor, and the next day I woke up panicking because, oh my god, I showed off my stuffed animals to The Neighbor and he probably thought I was actually autistic, but he just texted me wanting to be on it, so we’re in the clear. That, or he has no qualms about wanting to be on a girl with...
luuwh0: College Feat. Electric Youth - A Real...
dailymusicintl: Song: O.P.P. Artist: Naughty By...
I spent the weekend with my seventeen year old cousin who told me how horrible I am at being a teenager. It was weirdly offensive at first, but then I realized that I was never good at being a teenager when I actually was a teenager, which led me to the realization that I’m actually a really, really great young adult. I’m okay with having to urbandictionary the term...
I have brought nothing to my blog in such a long time, and that’s sad because I really love my blog. I do. But I’ve just been watching a lot of indie movies and planning my trips and learning how to Roger Rabbit and trying to figure out what the fuck is going on with my bangs and bottling up every emotion I’ve been experiencing which is probably going to turn into some kind of...
I just get high and floss my teeth. I floss the shit out of them. I get in there...– Things I’ve heard in the past 24 hours.
I just want to get really feelingsy, but I won’t because I convinced myself not to, and also, I’m distracted by the amount of dudes I know who have receding hairlines. You’re 21 and you’re sporting the George Costanza and that’s fucking tragic.