September 2011
“They are full of microbes and germs, teeming with bacteria. Pubic hair of the...”
– My aunt is anti-beards.
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In third grade, I went to the front office to try and go home early because third grade blew, and I was better than sitting in a stank ass portable classroom with my bitchy teacher, Mrs. Henderson (who had the most beautiful twelve year old son named Ryan, but I digress). So I’m standing there, trying to make myself look really pitiful, and while I’m waiting for the front desk lady to...
SMAYARTZAYALWTIGAIAK: And then one day I awoke to... →
smayartzayalwtigaiak:
“Sandy, hi. What are you doing here?” I asked, fumbling for my robe and blinking the sandman’s grit from the corners of my eyes.
“She is an envoy,” said Gerard Butler, appearing in the doorway with two mugs of strong coffee and a small plate of fruit. He offered me one of the mugs (the Smurf mug…
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Friday night/Saturday morning, and there's no...
He told me that he used to scribble a tally on the spine of his high school binder whenever he wanted to kill himself. Sometimes it was during Geometry, but for the most part, it was always during Algebra. He laughed lightly, took a drag on his cigarette, and then asked, “What about you?”. I replied with a very smug, “Whether to kill yourself or not is one of the most important...
As I was walking into an Arco yesterday, a pair of unsavory men cruised by in a piece of shit Jeep and thought it appropriate, or funny, or flattering, or whatever the fuck they were thinking, to yell really sexual bullshit at me. My trivial five minute excursion to get gas before work turned into a really horrifying, disgusting experience.
The sad thing was, aside from my total public...
THIS IS SERIOUS
On a scale of 1 - 10, how bad do I need a mediocre Back to the Future shirt? Or should I get a Beavis and Butthead shirt instead? This is serious. Help me, Tumblr.
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shutupbuttface:
otis redding-thats how strong my...
Beezo called me
and gave me Jewel’s address, and now I’m writing Jewel a letter.
~Stay tuned~
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As I was sitting in the lobby of a government...
Older man: When is orientation supposed to start?
Hillbilly: I don’t know, but I am tired as shit. Drove my sister’s Mercedes here. You can see it out the window right over there. Parked it right out front. One of the windows is missing though. Some motherfucker tried to break into it earlier this morning, so I had to get outta bed real quick, beat some ass real quick, then I went...
The best thing anyone has ever said to me is, “I woke you up because I didn’t want you to be asleep anymore.”
It was entirely warm, and selfish, and I could feel how much the person who said it loves me. It’s just one of those little things, I guess. Throw it in with those murmurs that translate into words, the jumbled sentences that make complete sense, the genuine...
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Be kind, aim for happiness, and love all of the important people in your life fiercely. Send good vibes to those who need them today, and every day for that matter. Give daps, and hugs, and “good job, dude!“‘s whenever you can, and remember that being here on this planet is truly a gift.
That awkward moment when the plot of the silly Lindsay Lohan movie you’re watching takes a really uncomfortable turn and all of the sudden she’s the victim of molestation and her mom is an alcoholic.
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I’m going to a psychic today.
This song...
WatchI LOVE YOU, LAURA.
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