I had jalapeno poppers for breakfast. I’m pretty worthless.– Amanda
This is Autumn and this is her first lemon experience.
1) There is not one single person on this Earth who knows what they’re doing. Not really, at least. 2) Always have a back up shirt. 3) Do stuff, even when you don’t feel like it. 4) Humor is vital to surviving. 5) Hair does grow back, but it takes for-fucking-ever, so whatever you do to it, make sure you’re going to be cool with it for a while. And remember, there’s that...
BENICIO DEL TORO KNOCKED UP KIMBERLY STEWART AND... →
I remember I was in sixth grade when I found the quote, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle” in a Chicken Soup for the Soul book, and I remember thinking, wow. Holy shit. What a good quote. For a while though, I thought it was, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle”. I don’t know at which point along the way I forgot the...
Tara: I aligned my vagina with his penis.
Me: So...you dry humped him?
Tara: NO. I ALIGNED MY VAGINA WITH HIS PENIS.
Me: I'm going through that white person phase where all I want to listen to is like, music. No singing. Just music.
My aunt: We all go through it. I was really into monks. I even bought a Gregorian Monk CD. Like, I didn't want to deal with the nonsense of music. I just wanted to get down to business. Monks.
I feel bad because I just missed her call and I told her I was going to talk to...– My aunt, and also my feelings about everything in the world.
I knew this lady named Rosa. She was older and she worked really hard at everything she did. You could tell. You could see it. Deep set lines of hard fucking work ran from the corners of her eyes, down the tops of her hands, and even her smile was tired, you know? She never half-assed anything, which made me feel like shit because I’m the ultimate half-asser of everything. I was eighteen...
I’ve been lighting Fall scented candles all over the house and whipping out all of my Halloween themed movies because I’m fucking sick of Summer and I’m ready for my leggings and my red lipstick and my peacoat and porcelain goddess status. SOME PEOPLE WEREN’T MADE TO TAN, OK.
I find many things about the human race to be pathetic and sick. Mostly though, the one thing that bothers me more than anything else people do is when someone tries to cash in on the death of a person they didn’t know/hated/was indifferent towards. I mean, it is one thing to be shocked and upset over the death of someone who, you know, you shared this plane of existence with, but it is...
You know when you’re at like, an important crossroad in your life, and you have to make a decision that could really alter your Life Course, and that pressure is so overwhelming that you kind of just want to sleep through the decision making and hope that when you wake up, everything is mellow, and everyone’s happy, and there’s a cheese & crackers platter circulating, and...
Eighties dancing from the waist up on the living room couches with my aunt while listening to New Order. I’ve been in this like, weird funk all day, probably because I’m a good four days into this “hey, be healthier!” thing, and that excludes my jalapeno chips, and my salt and vinegar chips, and all chocolate, and my hot cheeto fries. I exist solely off of chips and...
There’s a lot of neurotic Jews in this movie, Ashley. You’re going...– My aunt