December 2010
1 tag
If you would have told me at the beginning of 2010 that I would be ending the year straightening up my room in my aunt’s house before going to San Diego to drunkenly welcome 2011 with my best friend, I would have called you a retard and been on my way.*
I started this year as a person that I will never be again, and I can’t express how happy that makes me. The person I was will not be...
The amount of ass-dialed calls I make in a day is just obscene.
And what’s even worse is that the majority of my ass-dialing takes place when I’m in the bathroom because I have this habit of putting my phone in my back pocket, so in the midst of pants removal, I press all of these buttons, and I’m surprised when one of my contacts is on speakerphone screaming hello and I’m...
At first, the realization that I’ve associated myself with so many bastards had me shoving my fingers down my throat in an attempt to rid my body of the stomach acids that were in an uproar out of sheer disgust, but then I got to really thinking.
Those douchebags, those sonsuhbitches…god bless ‘em, you know? They have to spend the rest of their lives being chump change while you...
This one time, I spent a drunken hour on a mountain that overlooked my entire hometown with a dude who had a really porous pompadour. We awkwardly made out on a blanket from Mexico as Koffin Kats blared from his phone. As soon as my buzz wore off, I made him take me home.
Overall, it was a really beautiful, cliche moment from a PG-13 movie that Zac Efron would have starred in. Minus the dry...
1 tag
A soft giggle just escaped the lips of the Canadian from underneath the fleece blanket that she and my cousin are sharing, in the middle of the living room, as they lay on the guts of the sprawled out sleeping bag my uncle dug up for them to use as a makeshift bed.
I am horrified.
Not even a foot away, I’m sharing the couch with my great-aunt and her dog…thing. What even-oh my god.
...
My first conscious thought this morning was, “I wonder if there is a baby bjorn I can fit into, and I wonder who I can hire to haul me around for the rest of my life so I never have to function again.”
My cousin’s Canadian girlfriend will be spending Christmas with us, my camera is fully charged, and I have a killer cold that is leisurely swimming it’s way through my body,...
There’s nothing more materially tragic than getting rid of a picture. A little visual representation of a moment in your life that you decided you didn’t want anymore. How depressing is that? To go from wanting to have physical evidence of an occurrence you found special enough to capture and keep forever, to wanting to dispose of it completely. How sad that things in our lives can...
“What do u likw besides booze n dudes”
– My family really knows how to approach Christmas.
1 tag
Today has been one of those days where I have completely lacked the energy to be mean or witty towards anyone.
Oh, I slept until noon and I look like an asshole in my pink fleece pants?
Cool.
“Example of why you never date a boy that skinny. His girlfriend is one...”
– My aunt is holy.
I get that it’s Christmas, and a lot of people have shopped online, and my mailman probably has a million packages he has to get out of his little mailman car to deliver. It’s cold, and he probably hates his job this time of year, and whatever. Ok. I get that.
I wasn’t even annoyed that I’ve had to go to the post office every single day this week because dude doesn’t...
Last night, in the comfort of my home, under a huge blanket, eating Flamin’ Hot Fries, I scoured the internet for a local psychic in hopes of receiving some kind of supernatural guidance for my petty problems.
In case you were wondering, I didn’t find one.
But while I was scouring the internet, I was subconsciously scouring my soul.
I am a selfish bitch. I mean, I’ve always...
Picture this:
You’re in the living room, surrounded by sleeping dogs. The television is off, the birds are quiet. The only sound throughout the whole house is the ticking of clocks and the clacking of your keyboard. Peaceful, calm, unperturbed.
And then the pug next to you shatters the silence with a fart.
I appreciate a well structured joke, the wittiness of others projected on to lesser...
This Christmas season, I find myself harboring more than just contempt and disdain for the majority of people in this world. I’m actually…feeling…feelings.
Those special individuals whom I’m housing in the only living part of my heart consist of:
- Those suffering from the after-effects of Accutane. You just wanted nice, pretty skin, and ended up with Irritable Bowel...
I guess I’m just really appalled by the lack of one night stand etiquette my generation possesses. Technology has completely ruined escaping from anyone. The texts, the e-mails, the social networking sites.
What I’m trying to say is, the last thing I want to be staring at in my friend request box is the picture of a dude I had fucked once, months ago, and avoided talking to ever...
sweck asked: http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2010/12/10/winona-ryder-i-dont-use-the-internet/?hpt=C2
Does this make you happy, or sad?
Does this make you happy, or sad?
So, homegirl Kristina brought to my attention this show called I Survived Beyond and Back. It’s a show made up of interviews with people who have died, but came back to life, and their experiences between dying and coming back. Whether or not you believe in God, or anything after this life is totally your thing, but after watching this show, I was sincerely concerned about where I was going...
“Your family is a boatload of assholes.”
– My aunt, referring to my uncle’s kin.
In the waiting room of the hospital, a five year old girl asked me if ladies get hair in their armpits like men do. At first, I was taken aback. Um, what? Where did that come from? What? Her mom laughed, and pointed towards an unkempt dude wearing a man-tank whose name had just been called. I told her that only lazy ladies grow armpit hair and she kind of just looked at me in awe. Just staring....
hearthechimes asked: You know what hasn't received much lezzie love lately?
Our ask boxes.
I think this needs to be rectified, so here I go:
I like that when someone googles my name, you show up.
I like that whenever I get to talk to you, I get the butterflies.
I like that I have not once gotten sick of you.
I like that I giggle when I read your blog at my hookup's...
Our ask boxes.
I think this needs to be rectified, so here I go:
I like that when someone googles my name, you show up.
I like that whenever I get to talk to you, I get the butterflies.
I like that I have not once gotten sick of you.
I like that I giggle when I read your blog at my hookup's...
Soft tears, loud sobs.
I’m back in my virtual comfort zone.
Finally.
Amanda: Oh my god, that dude just watched me deep-throat my french fry.
Me: Who? The guy in the beanie?
Amanda: No, but I'm pretty sure that guy is hiding something under there, and it's quite possibly a jew fro.
“I am aware that we do not save each other very often. But I am also aware that...”
– James Baldwin
Can I just openly admit something?
I’ve thought about deleting this blog on multiple occasions. But then I remember deleting my Tumblr way back in ‘08, and I was really, really regretful. Why? I don’t know, because I could be. Whatever.
There are little things that pop up every now and then that make me realize, you know, I’m just going to keep bloggin’. It’s...
