January 2012
Sizzle Reel: Whenever I want to stay home and sit... →
afrayedknot:
Whenever I want to stay home and sit around in my underwear…maybe eat some hummus and see what’s up with The Real Housewives, I tell my boss I’m going to go meet with clients. So…I’ll probably be unavailable all day. And every time, I wonder why he just believes me. He doesn’t even ask questions….
Ugh, I’m getting real Stacy about Mandy so I’m just going to leave...
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There’s a power outage in my neighborhood which means the lights went out right in the middle of my shower and my computer is slowly dying but it doesn’t matter because the Internet is down which means I have to use my phone which is slowly dying as well and I can’t make popcorn or watch Netflix. I can’t blowdry my hair or listen to my new Joy Division record or leave all...
elaborateclarity:
Wale feat. Rihanna |...
WatchAmanda is killing me tonight.
Killing me.
“Apparently that’s a thing…wanting to kill something because...”
– Amanda after Googling why I want to kill her cat because it’s so cute.
Yahoo bought an article my homegirl Dez wrote about The Royals and I’m just like,
Things my aunt said tonight:
“You know what I watched the other day? A Miley Cyrus movie…’cause you guys left me home alone. That’s what I did.”
“I’m not a believer in ugly people finding love.”
”Those ugly people don’t love each other. They’re just sharing mutual misery.”
“Don’t tell people we went to Ikea. It’s awful and...
If there's one more petition you should sign... →
“If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad…that’s Sheryl...”
– Amanda
WatchThis is what Skype conversations with Amanda are like.
If anyone was wondering…
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Oscillate Wildly speaks to me.
It says,...
I hate when I’m eating food and watching television and a Proactiv commercial comes on.
Chip to mouth and there’s your bacne and I’m done. I’m done.
yaaaladin asked: ashley fucking green where the fuck have you been in my fucking life jesus christ FUCK
Neko Case - You Belong to Me (Live)
What I really want to talk about is how I was... →
“What you need to watch is a ~crying movie~. Turn on Artificial Intelligence!...”
– Amanda on the movies she watches when she’s on her period.
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Siouxsie & the Banshees - Monitor
narrationbymorganfreeman:
My mom uses my room as book storage. There’s one book titled Space Jam. I picked it up and skimmed a few pages and it’s not about cartoon characters and Michael Jordan. What’s the point then?
I hate the weird fixtures in your life that represent a shittiness you don’t care to remember, but for some reason you just don’t get rid of them. You look at them and touch them, full of disgust, and you tell yourself, “I have to get rid of this”, but you never fucking do. It just sits and stays, silently tormenting you. But actually you’re tormenting yourself...
December 2011
Some guy my uncle went to college with ended up...
Drunk Jack: So why did he kill his mom?
My uncle: I guess she was really abusive to him and his brother when they were younger.
Drunk Jack: Abusive? How?
My uncle: I guess she beat the shit out of them all of the time.
Drunk Jack: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THAT'S REGULAR.
As I was walking through the pharmacy.
A three year old yelling at his brother: You're stupid!
Mother of the three year old: YOU SHUT UP. YOU SHUT UP RIGHT NOW. YOU DON'T USE THAT WORD. I WILL FUCKING HIT YOU.
waynetootin asked: So what can I expect to see/hear from you here in 2012?
Swam through some Platinum Blonde, Pink Turns...
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In reference to Michael Hutchence
Me: He is pretty good looking from that angle.
My aunt: Yeah, he whacked himself off to death.