June 2012
ulakulpa asked: Do the Proust Questionnaire! I'm curious haha
May 2012
This Blog is a Wasteland: Kinda want to make a... →
kanyewestsidestory:
Kinda want to make a fake dating profile on OkCupid (Because I’m a sad, bored little person) but I’m not sure what angle I want to work.
Who should she be?
What should she stand for?
I made a fake Myspace profile back in the day of a “fun and popular” blonde girl. Took some images off Google…
Meghan kills me.
The kind of person I am
Co-worker #1: I had to go to the emergency room last night. I thought my appendix burst.
Co-worker #2: Oh my god. Are you ok? What happened?
Me: Hey, do you guys know what time Eddie Money starts playing the fair? I don't want to be late.
(via adamchristopherr)
Thompson Twins - If You...
Was going to kill myself, but then found the 80s tag on 8tracks and I’m so happy to be alive.
Truthful Tuesday
One time I was in a Forever 21 wearing black pants and a white Hanes v-neck and my peanut Dr. Martens, and as I was looking through a rack of clothes, a girl my age wandered up to me and asked, “Do you know if you have this in another size?” and I looked up and said, “Um…sorry…I don’t work here…” and it was in that moment a horrifying realization...
I really never expected to get into an altercation with the lead singer of Cobra Starship, but it happened early Saturday morning, and in the midst of our removal from the balcony we shared with the socially irrelevant thirty three year old, middle fingers and “Fuck you, Gabe!“‘s flying fervently through any and all space free of a body, we bumped into Carson Kressley who Dez...
WHAT'S UP:
- My hillbilly cousin will be here tomorrow with two of his friends. Malcolm X Julius and Julius Maddox. Will be live-blogging the visit. 6:30PM PST.
- The happiest day of my life was the Christmas morning I woke up to a turntable and a handful of new wave/dark wave vinyl. Needless to say, the 80s (if we’re going to get technical, 75 - 88) are really special to me. Anyway, my aunt and I...
Anonymous asked: What happened to Amanda? Wasn't she just living in Japan?
WatchGuess who’s moving to San Diego with her best friend.
Amanda got a new job and just informed me that they made her fill out paperwork stating that if she happens to die while employed with the company she’s working for, all of her hard earned money is to go to me. That, and her dogs.
I can’t believe she actually likes me that much.
While talking about our orthodontist:
Me: You remember Dr. Salisbury?
Amanda: Yeah. Fucking braces, man.
Me: Yeah.
Amanda: Did you get to see your before picture?
Me: My what?
Amanda: Your before picture. You know, the polaroid he took of you before he put your braces on?
Me: ...he never took a picture of me.
Amanda: He didn't take a picture of you?
Me: No...
Amanda: ...
Me: ...
Some of the most unsavory people I’ve ever come into contact with have children now, and part of me wants to meet up with them just so I can hold their baby and apologize to it.
“Your parents are so gross. I am so sorry.”
Fuck a lot of things and I mean that in the sense of I’m glad I ingested my Vicodin because my tooth was killing me and earlier tonight I encountered the bitchiest nine year old I’ve ever encountered in my life and I would have Andrea Yatesed her if she were mine, not babytalked her into buying a purple t-shirt. I’m sort of high right now, so bear with me. Manhattan is on, and I...
ulakulpa asked: I am challenging you to do a 15 minute free write and post it without editing FREE BIRD
Amanda: I think falling down the stairs and gashing the shit out of my leg is the equivalent to getting my legs beat with a golf club.
Me: Yeah…I don’t think so. Let me see it.
Amanda: It’s so deep, but the weird thing is, it didn’t even bleed.
My aunt: SO DEEP THAT IT DIDN’T EVEN BLEED…SO DEEP THAT I DIDN’T EVEN SCREAM.
Me:
My aunt: I’m not...
1 tag
"Who is that sparkly fat guy on televisi-oh. It's...
I’m pretty sure I’m the first person in at least two years to utter his name. I wonder if something in him stirred. I wonder if he felt it. I wonder if he shed a single tear and whispered, “I’m still relevant.”
Well, I’m going to tag this post with his name because I know he Googles himself, especially these days, in hopes of him seeing this so I can let him...
An excerpt of a poem I wrote right after I turned...
“…I wonder if you know my name I hope you do. I hope I’m not just another stranger in your period 2…
…I hope you are what you seem to be Not just another cute face with no personality…”
I’m laughing, but I want to die.
I’m really worried the old dude sitting in front of me is choking because it’s just me and him in this room and I don’t want to be the person responsible for Heimliching the shit out of him (possibly literally) or letting him die. This is so stressful. Oh, good. He spit into his hankie. It was just an old dude hairball of sorts. We’re in the clear.
Anonymous asked: Cheer up butter cup, think of Wionna Ryder.
greenthing: I’m eating a Fruit by the Foot and... →
afrayedknot:
greenthing:
I’m eating a Fruit by the Foot and allowing a lot of realizations to hit me, one of them being Fruit Roll-Ups are significantly better than Fruit by the Foot so why even bother buying anything other than the best? Do it right or don’t do it at all. That’s another thing I’m allowing to slap me in…
You know what? I’ve felt the same way for the last 10 years - and...
I’m eating a Fruit by the Foot and allowing a lot of realizations to hit me, one of them being Fruit Roll-Ups are significantly better than Fruit by the Foot so why even bother buying anything other than the best? Do it right or don’t do it at all. That’s another thing I’m allowing to slap me in the face. And it applies to more than just buying the best mock fruit leather...
Anonymous asked: You mentioned not that long ago that you just woke up and you weren't in love anymore. How is that even possible? If you love someone its forever. Maybe you didn't love that person at all then.
heynickgo:
The girl who sits on my immediate left during my 2:30 class is finally back after an apparent two week bout with viral meningitis. What this means for me is that I did not learn a single thing today as I spent much of that hour perusing through WebMD to determine my odds of succumbing to viral meningitis.
Nick is so great. Nick is a hilarious angel. I want to buy Nick all of the...
waynetootin asked: Does this look infected to you?
I’m in a very dangerous place. I want to spew, but I don’t know what to say, which means the probability of something getting past my filter is very high because I just want to type to see myself blog, so if you’re into it, and maybe you are, slide something into my ask hole and make it good. Get at me, weirdos.
1 tag
April 2012
I searched Shia LeBeouf in soundcloud and found...
I have to go to Costco alone and use someone else’s Costco card because I don’t have a fucking Costco card which sounds fine to me, but if you tell that to someone who does have a Costco membership, they look at you like you’re a pathetic excuse for an adult, and then I start getting upset because I’m just a late bloomer, but late blooming doesn’t stop anyone from...
“She just abortioned it off.”
– A fleck of the sparkling conversation that was happening between some hillbilly dude and his hillbilly friend maybe sister maybe lover maybe all three that, fortunately, landed in my ear as they passed me earlier today.
Abortioned it off. Clean off.